A quick word. I will NOT be submitting a Journal this cycle. I have not had a weekend or a free time for that matter to work on it. The past three weekends have been devoted to OTHER student capstones (Natasha's, Phillip's and Dan's); and after myASU crashed I've been having a hell of a time catching up on my other classes.
I would rather take time to sit down and work on it in great detail, as opposed to just turning something in that I just threw together for the sake of it being in on time.
Hopefully you will understand where I'm coming from. You may submit feedback on the revised script however.
Like the new beginning a lot, it sets it up in the middle, leaving the audience already in suspense and then welcomes us into the whole story behind her camera confession. I like how you brought in more people who are glued to the event happening at hand. In the photo room, we get the sense that this mountain that they see is and probably will be the greatest thing they will ever see in their live, so much that they can drop anything and everything they are doing just to see updates on the mountain. Gives the mountain character in a way. I can see Emma’s mother being like Rose in the titanic, when she is older telling her story to the man who is exploring the titanic. A wise elderly figure that remises about the old great times and people that are and were in her life. I like how we get to know Emma more as a character through her confession tapes and her willingness to communicate with the audience. Great ending and can’t wait to see your journal.
Script: I love your script even more than the last time! I like the new addition of Emma and her last will video, I think that's a great way to introduce her and I was sucked into the story immediately.
Journal: If you get one together before the next cycle and want to submit it for feedback just send out and email and I'll try to find some time to look through it and give you feedback :)
Other: Because I don't seeing any issues and I want to give some feedback I'll keep going… I'm sure you have your own vision for the story, but when I read I "read in pictures." It might be interesting to know how other see your film when they read or how what's written is coming across… What I see when I read the first half of your script is a gritty interview, fast paced, documentary style movie. Each section flowed perfectly into the next and I found that very exciting. After page 23, things got progressively slower paced, it had a much different feel to me compared to the first 20 pages. It read more like a movie, if that makes sense.
I hope this helped in some way and I can't wait to see how you see your film :)
Great job Trent! I'm reading this again and I just can't help but say "this is SO WELL WRITTEN!' I spent all my time re-writing my script and I have a HELL of a time conveying my story. Time and space get confusing, story elements are misplaced, and dialogue is not even half up to par... But in this script, at no place in the script am I wondering "What's going on?" It just seems so effortless. The first time I read it, I took that aspect for granted. You cut back and forth through probably 50 places in time and space and it literally flows together seamlessly. Every word (in a fucking 30 page script) is well placed and important, and the dialogue is top notch! I know if you can keep the continuity of your writing on film, "The Mountain (working title)" will be as great as your script, if not better!
I have nothing specific to say about any changes or suggestions that I would recommend. You know the execution is going to be the hardest part of "The Mountain (working title). But I hope we all can help make that process less complicated.
I absolutely love what you did to strengthen your already strong story. By placing this bookend scene of Emma at the beginning and end, we immediately know who we as an audience are invested in. And we see immediately that there are high stakes. Kudos.
The one problem I see arising with the way it is now is that if we know immediately from the first shot of the film that Emma is our focus, just based on the emotional tone I am reading from that scene, we may end up wondering why we're watching all of these other scenes with other characters. If we already identify with the main character, the rest is just exposition, which I feel like could be shortened. Reading this draft, as we got a taste of the Emma character earlier, I was anxious to get back to her and wondering why I should care about all of these other characters' perspectives. It's still great writing, and I don't suggest you take it out (you might as well get as much footage as you can to work with), but I do think that you can keep that in mind later while editing because pacing for the first part will be key to keep interest, especially for such a long script.
I want to raise one more concern, which I'm sure you are aware of, that by not doing your journal right now, you risk a lot. I know we all have other things to do outside of this class, but I think your capstone should be your priority, especially in pre-production. I don't want to see you have to sacrifice anything from your script because of time or logistics... because it is such a great story. So hopefully you can get the journal chapters done soon because I really want to see your thoughts about the visual aspects of your story, and I think pre-production will make or break a film like this.
I sort of agree, sort of disagree with you Kristine... and this is a point for everyone to think about. Just because Trent didn't fill out his journal, doesn't mean that he is not CONSTANTLY thinking about production aspects of "The Mountain (working title)" [alright, I'll stop that now...]. I speak for him, because I am sort of in the same boat with my journal. The journal is A GRAT WAY to communicate the gap of what is playing in the movie in your head, but it's not the ONLY WAY.
I think if we get so stuck in the journal, many elements of collaboration will be missed. For example. If I say "stick to my journal, because it is GOD" (this is one end of the spectrum) then I might as well have 20 robots executing my costumes, production design, and even acting. With this mentality, we lose what it is to make a film. Personally, I want Taurean's perspective as my DP. He knows A LOT more than I do! I want the outside influence of Patricia to tell me (subconsciously or not) that I am raising Religious implications in my story. And I want Gellie to design me a cool Grim Reaper costume instead of just buying one from the LOTR fan website.
I can bet Trent feels the same. (don't answer that Trent!)
Now, on the other hand, if I don't have a journal then those involved on my film have a difficult time bridging that gap. I think we all understand that.
Ultimately, the journal is just ONE aspect of 1000 that go into making a film.
I just meant that as the journal is the way for us as classmates to see the progress in pre-production, I have no idea where he is with it and I really am looking forward to seeing his vision and hoping that it is progressing well. I just have no idea based on what I see. Didn't at all mean to come across as harsh. It's pretty clear that Trent has a fantastic script, and I don't at all want to disrespect this project. I hope my good intentions are clear. (:
So you've made me a believer in your script even more so which I didn't think was possible. I don't really know how to address everything online since again I've talked to you about your film.
I like the video diaries for Emma, they give us a bit more insight on her character and raise the stakes for her a bit more. But again, i'm going to say this, I really want to know more! I think ending the movie with her video diary will be a very emotional point in the movie, and then once that cuts to black, people are gonna be like... aw holy shit son. I also like the reveal of the mountain be later in the film. There is going to be so much build up and anticipation, that once audiences see this massive mountain, they are gonna be like... awww holy shit son. I am very excited for your movie dude, i hope after I watch this at capstone screenings, i'm gonna be all like... awwwwww... that film was excellent.
First off, I really love the video diaries you've given Emma, especially the one in the beginning because it's not only a great hook, but it also provides a kickass transition to the next person's dialogue.
At the same time, the new scenes with the characters watching television are a good move as well. It's very innocuous, but helps assure the audience that they aren't watching a found footage type of movie, which is important so that they don't get all weirded out and discombobulated in the ending.
I have to say that I think your original ending is stronger, at least as far as dialogue goes. I liked Emma's mother's final dialogue regarding her daughter because it's bringing home the fact that her decisions are having a larger impact than just what's happening to her. That said, I do like Emma's final moments in the tape. I think you could move that to the part where Fleming gets the tape and have her cut off the tape, hold on black for a bit and open up on a shot of the Mountain or something. Just my own personal preference.
This is still looking like a fantastic project and I'm looking forward to working on it.
We just spoke about this hot piece... But I'll toss my thoughts in as I told you two hours ago. I loved your idea from the beginning, and as Jason said before me your writing seems so effortless and it all flows together so well. Your 30 page script is quite the story and I could absolutely see this being a feature length... Think about it.
As far as your changes from draft one... I believe adding multiple shots of people watching the news as your broadcasters speak rather than the one extended shot of the mountain was a solid change. Not only does this give a more personal look at what is going on... It also allows you to save the reveal of the mountain for when Emma sees it for the first time. Solid.
I truly enjoy the idea that Konstantin(e) is more of an obstacle for Emma rather than the antagonist within the film. And that's all I have to say about that.
The only thing I would consider at all... is the moment where Emma and Fleming say bye. Maybe throw in a quick beat... or another line... just so their exit does not feel rushed.
I think it is safe to say that you are very clearly ready to dive into pre-production so don't worry about not having the journal... toss it up when you complete the chapters and we'll take a gander.
I like the video diaries because it kind of ties together that documentary aspect of the film, which I think works really well. I think it also gives us and insight with her in a way that wasn't as strong as before. I do agree with Derek about the moment in which Emma and Fleming say bye. It didn't feel right to me because I felt that Emma should be effected more given the circumstances. I don't know how you visualized that moment in your head, but it felt too subtle. I think there needs a bit more after he asks "what are you going to do?" and she replies "I don't know", when he says take care of yourself, it either comes off as there is a moment that's sort of lost, or that he knows exactly what she is going to do, and he accepts that knowing what kind of person she is; However it still feels to fast.
Overall, I think this is going in the right direction as far as taking this script as high as you can, and I appreciate that you are soo passionate about this project because it is really showing in your work.
Ok, so 1st completely understand about your journal, shit happens you know. But I do hope you can upload it as soon as you can cause I want to see your visual approach to your amazing store :)
Back to your script, I LOVE IT. The add-ons of Emma's video diary is a sure win for me :) Your last script was good, kept me interested with your story but your new script just won me over. We are introduced to Emma right at the beginning which I think is a smart move because now we know who or what we're following compared to your older draft where we're kinda just following a bunch of reports about the mountain at the first five pages. I do have to agree about what Kristine said that introducing Emma early, the audience now know who to focus on and the rests just kinda feels like excess now (but like I said, I still like the beginning) I guess it depends if that's what you want your audience to focus on or not.
Some of the concerns I have on your script.. 1st, when I was reading this, for me anyway, it felt like I'm reading a montage. I read it as a fast-paced back to back scenes since the dialogue on each scene is quiet short (except for Emma and Konstantine's conversation at the end). I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, but yeah just keep an eye on that. I get that's it's like a puzzle and you have pieces being put together to build the story of the mountain and Emma but since it's shorter since, it feels like a montage to me.
2nd, which I forgot to address before, I saw on your facebook page some concept pictures of the mountain. I really like what you're going for, the massiveness of it is very intimidating and something that big appearing out of thin air is just mind boggling. My only concern was how skilled of a mountain climber is Emma? Hiking something that high takes some serious skills and years of experience. I'm not saying she's not capable of it, just might come across as an internal gap of logic. -_- lol, can't believe I said that. But that's just me, I can be over analytical with some stuff :P
But other than that. Solid piece of work you got there! Can't wait to see your journal :) I'm really curious how you're going to approach this visually. Keep it up! :)
Your writing skills are excellent, so whatever you write is clear, makes sense and all your decisions get justified. You have the EYE for storytelling. The new piece works very well too; but personally, I prefer your first version. The structure was more interesting for me as audience. Now with Emma since the beginning your story has a more “connected” narrative structure that give shape to your documentary style and complement the plot very nicely, but for my taste is not as interesting as it was before. It just depend on personal taste.
The New structure makes Emma character seem more…I do not know exactly what word to use, but let’s say that now, I see her weaker, and it makes me do not like her as much as I did before. But again, this is subjective…
I can not add much because your script is very clear, and about your story, as I told you the another day, I think has A LOT OF POTENTIAL. Your story works and you know it. It is just a question of concentrating in whatever you want to transmit and do it!
I might have to disagree with you Patricia :p if you were talking about the video diaries making Emma seem weaker, to me I think it just made her stronger. Making something what we may consider a last willing testament is very bold and brave move to do for anyone. It's practically admitting and accepting the fact that she may never come back. The part when she breaks down a little in front of the camera, well that's just a natural human reaction right? Well, that's just for me anyway. And of course I respect your opinion patricia :)
I don't really know how much to say, I think that your script is pretty much a lock. I like the new tweaks, and I think that the video diary is a really great tool to utilize. I think that it can be a tricky device to try and drive a character, but I think that your script plays out perfectly to use it. The only thing I would suggest, and I know that you were trying to come up with it this weekend, is a better "farewell" from Emma. She is a complex, strong and intelligent character and I think that you can come up with a better send off. You also have an entire year to try and think of what the proper way to say goodbye is.
I loved the development of Emma’s character you added. The photo studio scene and her catching sight of the news reports and such a coincidental moment was an effective addition. It reminded me of watching Matthew Broderick being oblivious to Godzilla romping about NYC. The story’s been strong from the start and now you’ve achieved a stronger personal connection between Emma and the audience.
I love all the different viewpoints you give on the phenomenon, as an audience we quickly get up to speed on the situation in a humorous and stylistic way. I’m really the most curious to see what you choose to do for the clouds and what goes on at the top of the mountain. Performance wise I think you need to cast the most menacing Konstantin you can find. I pictured him to be a lot like the Pinbacker character photo you have in your journal. You produced the shit out of Dan’s movie this weekend so I understand about the new journal.
I would almost like to see some other strange occurrences up on the mountain be portrayed visually. It’s quite the opportunity to try some unique visuals. Can things float on the mountain? There’s lot’s of thing you could do, and the story doesn’t really need it either. It’s just an open avenue to explore if you so choose.
Hey guys,
ReplyDeleteA quick word. I will NOT be submitting a Journal this cycle. I have not had a weekend or a free time for that matter to work on it. The past three weekends have been devoted to OTHER student capstones (Natasha's, Phillip's and Dan's); and after myASU crashed I've been having a hell of a time catching up on my other classes.
I would rather take time to sit down and work on it in great detail, as opposed to just turning something in that I just threw together for the sake of it being in on time.
Hopefully you will understand where I'm coming from. You may submit feedback on the revised script however.
Thanks.
Like the new beginning a lot, it sets it up in the middle, leaving the audience already in suspense and then welcomes us into the whole story behind her camera confession. I like how you brought in more people who are glued to the event happening at hand. In the photo room, we get the sense that this mountain that they see is and probably will be the greatest thing they will ever see in their live, so much that they can drop anything and everything they are doing just to see updates on the mountain. Gives the mountain character in a way. I can see Emma’s mother being like Rose in the titanic, when she is older telling her story to the man who is exploring the titanic. A wise elderly figure that remises about the old great times and people that are and were in her life. I like how we get to know Emma more as a character through her confession tapes and her willingness to communicate with the audience. Great ending and can’t wait to see your journal.
ReplyDeleteScript: I love your script even more than the last time! I like the new addition of Emma and her last will video, I think that's a great way to introduce her and I was sucked into the story immediately.
ReplyDeleteJournal: If you get one together before the next cycle and want to submit it for feedback just send out and email and I'll try to find some time to look through it and give you feedback :)
Other: Because I don't seeing any issues and I want to give some feedback I'll keep going… I'm sure you have your own vision for the story, but when I read I "read in pictures." It might be interesting to know how other see your film when they read or how what's written is coming across… What I see when I read the first half of your script is a gritty interview, fast paced, documentary style movie. Each section flowed perfectly into the next and I found that very exciting. After page 23, things got progressively slower paced, it had a much different feel to me compared to the first 20 pages. It read more like a movie, if that makes sense.
I hope this helped in some way and I can't wait to see how you see your film :)
Great job Trent! I'm reading this again and I just can't help but say "this is SO WELL WRITTEN!' I spent all my time re-writing my script and I have a HELL of a time conveying my story. Time and space get confusing, story elements are misplaced, and dialogue is not even half up to par... But in this script, at no place in the script am I wondering "What's going on?" It just seems so effortless. The first time I read it, I took that aspect for granted. You cut back and forth through probably 50 places in time and space and it literally flows together seamlessly. Every word (in a fucking 30 page script) is well placed and important, and the dialogue is top notch! I know if you can keep the continuity of your writing on film, "The Mountain (working title)" will be as great as your script, if not better!
ReplyDeleteI have nothing specific to say about any changes or suggestions that I would recommend. You know the execution is going to be the hardest part of "The Mountain (working title). But I hope we all can help make that process less complicated.
I absolutely love what you did to strengthen your already strong story. By placing this bookend scene of Emma at the beginning and end, we immediately know who we as an audience are invested in. And we see immediately that there are high stakes. Kudos.
ReplyDeleteThe one problem I see arising with the way it is now is that if we know immediately from the first shot of the film that Emma is our focus, just based on the emotional tone I am reading from that scene, we may end up wondering why we're watching all of these other scenes with other characters. If we already identify with the main character, the rest is just exposition, which I feel like could be shortened. Reading this draft, as we got a taste of the Emma character earlier, I was anxious to get back to her and wondering why I should care about all of these other characters' perspectives. It's still great writing, and I don't suggest you take it out (you might as well get as much footage as you can to work with), but I do think that you can keep that in mind later while editing because pacing for the first part will be key to keep interest, especially for such a long script.
I want to raise one more concern, which I'm sure you are aware of, that by not doing your journal right now, you risk a lot. I know we all have other things to do outside of this class, but I think your capstone should be your priority, especially in pre-production. I don't want to see you have to sacrifice anything from your script because of time or logistics... because it is such a great story. So hopefully you can get the journal chapters done soon because I really want to see your thoughts about the visual aspects of your story, and I think pre-production will make or break a film like this.
I sort of agree, sort of disagree with you Kristine... and this is a point for everyone to think about. Just because Trent didn't fill out his journal, doesn't mean that he is not CONSTANTLY thinking about production aspects of "The Mountain (working title)" [alright, I'll stop that now...]. I speak for him, because I am sort of in the same boat with my journal. The journal is A GRAT WAY to communicate the gap of what is playing in the movie in your head, but it's not the ONLY WAY.
DeleteI think if we get so stuck in the journal, many elements of collaboration will be missed. For example. If I say "stick to my journal, because it is GOD" (this is one end of the spectrum) then I might as well have 20 robots executing my costumes, production design, and even acting. With this mentality, we lose what it is to make a film. Personally, I want Taurean's perspective as my DP. He knows A LOT more than I do! I want the outside influence of Patricia to tell me (subconsciously or not) that I am raising Religious implications in my story. And I want Gellie to design me a cool Grim Reaper costume instead of just buying one from the LOTR fan website.
I can bet Trent feels the same. (don't answer that Trent!)
Now, on the other hand, if I don't have a journal then those involved on my film have a difficult time bridging that gap. I think we all understand that.
Ultimately, the journal is just ONE aspect of 1000 that go into making a film.
Of course (:
DeleteI just meant that as the journal is the way for us as classmates to see the progress in pre-production, I have no idea where he is with it and I really am looking forward to seeing his vision and hoping that it is progressing well. I just have no idea based on what I see. Didn't at all mean to come across as harsh. It's pretty clear that Trent has a fantastic script, and I don't at all want to disrespect this project. I hope my good intentions are clear. (:
Trennnnntttt..... Trennntttt.....
ReplyDeleteSo you've made me a believer in your script even more so which I didn't think was possible. I don't really know how to address everything online since again I've talked to you about your film.
So umm... when do we shoot?
HEY TREEENNNNTT!!!!
ReplyDeleteI like the video diaries for Emma, they give us a bit more insight on her character and raise the stakes for her a bit more. But again, i'm going to say this, I really want to know more! I think ending the movie with her video diary will be a very emotional point in the movie, and then once that cuts to black, people are gonna be like... aw holy shit son. I also like the reveal of the mountain be later in the film. There is going to be so much build up and anticipation, that once audiences see this massive mountain, they are gonna be like... awww holy shit son.
I am very excited for your movie dude, i hope after I watch this at capstone screenings, i'm gonna be all like...
awwwwww... that film was excellent.
Hey Trent
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really love the video diaries you've given Emma, especially the one in the beginning because it's not only a great hook, but it also provides a kickass transition to the next person's dialogue.
At the same time, the new scenes with the characters watching television are a good move as well. It's very innocuous, but helps assure the audience that they aren't watching a found footage type of movie, which is important so that they don't get all weirded out and discombobulated in the ending.
I have to say that I think your original ending is stronger, at least as far as dialogue goes. I liked Emma's mother's final dialogue regarding her daughter because it's bringing home the fact that her decisions are having a larger impact than just what's happening to her. That said, I do like Emma's final moments in the tape. I think you could move that to the part where Fleming gets the tape and have her cut off the tape, hold on black for a bit and open up on a shot of the Mountain or something. Just my own personal preference.
This is still looking like a fantastic project and I'm looking forward to working on it.
Don Johnson.
ReplyDeleteWe just spoke about this hot piece... But I'll toss my thoughts in as I told you two hours ago. I loved your idea from the beginning, and as Jason said before me your writing seems so effortless and it all flows together so well. Your 30 page script is quite the story and I could absolutely see this being a feature length... Think about it.
As far as your changes from draft one...
I believe adding multiple shots of people watching the news as your broadcasters speak rather than the one extended shot of the mountain was a solid change. Not only does this give a more personal look at what is going on... It also allows you to save the reveal of the mountain for when Emma sees it for the first time. Solid.
I truly enjoy the idea that Konstantin(e) is more of an obstacle for Emma rather than the antagonist within the film. And that's all I have to say about that.
The only thing I would consider at all... is the moment where Emma and Fleming say bye. Maybe throw in a quick beat... or another line... just so their exit does not feel rushed.
I think it is safe to say that you are very clearly ready to dive into pre-production so don't worry about not having the journal... toss it up when you complete the chapters and we'll take a gander.
Trent,
ReplyDeleteI like the video diaries because it kind of ties together that documentary aspect of the film, which I think works really well. I think it also gives us and insight with her in a way that wasn't as strong as before. I do agree with Derek about the moment in which Emma and Fleming say bye. It didn't feel right to me because I felt that Emma should be effected more given the circumstances. I don't know how you visualized that moment in your head, but it felt too subtle. I think there needs a bit more after he asks "what are you going to do?" and she replies "I don't know", when he says take care of yourself, it either comes off as there is a moment that's sort of lost, or that he knows exactly what she is going to do, and he accepts that knowing what kind of person she is; However it still feels to fast.
Overall, I think this is going in the right direction as far as taking this script as high as you can, and I appreciate that you are soo passionate about this project because it is really showing in your work.
Hey Trent,
ReplyDeleteOk, so 1st completely understand about your journal, shit happens you know. But I do hope you can upload it as soon as you can cause I want to see your visual approach to your amazing store :)
Back to your script, I LOVE IT. The add-ons of Emma's video diary is a sure win for me :) Your last script was good, kept me interested with your story but your new script just won me over. We are introduced to Emma right at the beginning which I think is a smart move because now we know who or what we're following compared to your older draft where we're kinda just following a bunch of reports about the mountain at the first five pages. I do have to agree about what Kristine said that introducing Emma early, the audience now know who to focus on and the rests just kinda feels like excess now (but like I said, I still like the beginning) I guess it depends if that's what you want your audience to focus on or not.
Some of the concerns I have on your script..
1st, when I was reading this, for me anyway, it felt like I'm reading a montage. I read it as a fast-paced back to back scenes since the dialogue on each scene is quiet short (except for Emma and Konstantine's conversation at the end). I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, but yeah just keep an eye on that. I get that's it's like a puzzle and you have pieces being put together to build the story of the mountain and Emma but since it's shorter since, it feels like a montage to me.
2nd, which I forgot to address before, I saw on your facebook page some concept pictures of the mountain. I really like what you're going for, the massiveness of it is very intimidating and something that big appearing out of thin air is just mind boggling. My only concern was how skilled of a mountain climber is Emma? Hiking something that high takes some serious skills and years of experience. I'm not saying she's not capable of it, just might come across as an internal gap of logic. -_- lol, can't believe I said that. But that's just me, I can be over analytical with some stuff :P
But other than that. Solid piece of work you got there! Can't wait to see your journal :) I'm really curious how you're going to approach this visually. Keep it up! :)
-Gellie
TRENT,
ReplyDeleteYour writing skills are excellent, so whatever you write is clear, makes sense and all your decisions get justified. You have the EYE for storytelling. The new piece works very well too; but personally, I prefer your first version. The structure was more interesting for me as audience. Now with Emma since the beginning your story has a more “connected” narrative structure that give shape to your documentary style and complement the plot very nicely, but for my taste is not as interesting as it was before. It just depend on personal taste.
The New structure makes Emma character seem more…I do not know exactly what word to use, but let’s say that now, I see her weaker, and it makes me do not like her as much as I did before. But again, this is subjective…
I can not add much because your script is very clear, and about your story, as I told you the another day, I think has A LOT OF POTENTIAL. Your story works and you know it. It is just a question of concentrating in whatever you want to transmit and do it!
I might have to disagree with you Patricia :p if you were talking about the video diaries making Emma seem weaker, to me I think it just made her stronger. Making something what we may consider a last willing testament is very bold and brave move to do for anyone. It's practically admitting and accepting the fact that she may never come back. The part when she breaks down a little in front of the camera, well that's just a natural human reaction right? Well, that's just for me anyway. And of course I respect your opinion patricia :)
DeleteTrent,
ReplyDeleteI don't really know how much to say, I think that your script is pretty much a lock. I like the new tweaks, and I think that the video diary is a really great tool to utilize. I think that it can be a tricky device to try and drive a character, but I think that your script plays out perfectly to use it. The only thing I would suggest, and I know that you were trying to come up with it this weekend, is a better "farewell" from Emma. She is a complex, strong and intelligent character and I think that you can come up with a better send off. You also have an entire year to try and think of what the proper way to say goodbye is.
Roger
I loved the development of Emma’s character you added. The photo studio scene and her catching sight of the news reports and such a coincidental moment was an effective addition. It reminded me of watching Matthew Broderick being oblivious to Godzilla romping about NYC. The story’s been strong from the start and now you’ve achieved a stronger personal connection between Emma and the audience.
ReplyDeleteI love all the different viewpoints you give on the phenomenon, as an audience we quickly get up to speed on the situation in a humorous and stylistic way. I’m really the most curious to see what you choose to do for the clouds and what goes on at the top of the mountain. Performance wise I think you need to cast the most menacing Konstantin you can find. I pictured him to be a lot like the Pinbacker character photo you have in your journal. You produced the shit out of Dan’s movie this weekend so I understand about the new journal.
I would almost like to see some other strange occurrences up on the mountain be portrayed visually. It’s quite the opportunity to try some unique visuals. Can things float on the mountain? There’s lot’s of thing you could do, and the story doesn’t really need it either. It’s just an open avenue to explore if you so choose.